Monday, June 21, 2010

SHOCKED!

I need to share and vent out my emotions or I will seriously go insane! So I left the country Sunday. Mr. Wonderful invited me to a fashion show on Saturday. He said he had the kids that weekend but he will try to find a baby sitter. I of course declined and said that I wouldnt want to take away from his time with them. He said it was at night anyway so they would be sleeping by then. So initially I agreed to it. I then decided that since I was leaving, I would need to do some last minute packing so it would not be practical to go out with him Saturday. He of course asked if I was available Friday, I said I was. However, Fridays during his weekends with the kids, he picks them up and drives about 3 hours and back to his house another 3 hours. So I told him it would be a little tight on his schedule so we should just see each other when I come back. He wanted to go out to dinner with me before I left so he said its all good. I agreed since I had no plans on Friday. So when he told me if I wouldnt mind that he hung out with the kids for at least an hour and have the baby sitter arrive by 8:30pm I said no worries! Here's the shocking part...he asked if I wanted to hang out WITH them while waiting for the baby sitter to arrive. It has only been two weeks!!! I didnt know what to say to it. I am fully aware he has kids but didnt know the intention behind meeting them so soon or having to meet them at all. I didnt want to hurt his feelings so I just nonchalantly said sure, sounds like fun. IT WAS THE MOST SCARY THING I have ever done! It was a first for me! I have met parents of my boyfriends before and I never flinched! This time I was just SCARED! So I tried so many ways to not make it happen. He knew how to respond to my "tricks" to get out of it. So I did end up meeting them. I saw his youngest, a girl and just absolutely fell inlove with her! I didnt know how to react but when she said hi and smiled, my heart just melted. She was just so into me! She's 4 and showed me around her room and asked about getting her nails done etc. It was just such a natural bonding moment that I was petrified! The thought that it could be a constant event in my life, crossed my mind! The boys were gracious as well. They said hi and bragged about Wii games etc. He went about his business preparing food for them etc like I was being tested as to how I was going to react to them! It honestly was awkward but like with any stressful situation, I was able to get my bearings in a very timely manner.

So the baby sitter came and before we left, the youngest asked for a hug and gave me the tightest and sweetest hug! I just didnt want to let her go! It was such a bittersweet moment for me. He never discussed it after! No mention of what do you think of the kids, nothing! As if it was just a casual encounter with them. So I of course emailed him after saying that it was such an awkward moment and that if the kids are used to meeting women he dates thats fine but that I think he needs to rethink it because Im sure it affects them greatly to see other women with their dad. He said they have never met another woman before and that I was the first....SCARED ME MORE! There are no discussions just actions! I dont know what to say! He thanked me for accepting and embracing his kids. I dont know what we are. Are we officially dating? Should I ask? By the way, he still hasnt kissed me!!! Is this a test? He introduced me to his friends after he introduced me to his kids that night! Mind you this was all one day prior to me being gone for a while. What was this move on his part? I honestly dont have a problem with the kids. I told my friend men and women are different because women can accept a man and his past as long as we are aware of the security that the man can give to us. All we really are looking for is for the man to absolutely love us and be loyal to us. So 3 kids or 12 kids, the only thing that would matter is being loved.

Am I being stupid??? Please share with me what you think. I am just simply CONFUSED!

4 comments:

  1. Cece, kudos for you for being such a strong and caring person! From a formerly single mom perspective, I was always weary of introducing anyone to my kid because the fact some kids tend to form emotional attachments right away, but nevertheless, I encourage you to TALK to him, just to see what his parenting views are, and also, to analize YOUR feelings about him. Some are gonna hate me for asking but, have you ever hear Dr. Laura? I used to hate her buy she "saved' me from ruining my life. Blessings, J

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  2. @J: hi J. Thanks for leaving a comment. I appreciate your compliment. I havent heard of Dr. Laura. Will definitely google her. I completely agree with kids attaching right away which is why it was such a strange move on his part, maybe on mine as well to agree to meet with them =( i had no heart to decline after many attempts to reschedule. They are part of him so I felt like to deny that part of him during the process of getting to know him would be a bad move on my part. I will TALK to him when given the opportunity to do so. Thanks for your time!

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  3. Cece, thank you for sharing! I find venting and/or reading blogs very therapeutic. You have a great heart, don't ever change that! :)

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  4. @J: Thanks once again for your kind words. They are greatly appreciated! Have a great week!

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