Tuesday, June 1, 2010

NeeD SOME INPUT!!! PLEASE!!!



just a picture of me having a bad day when I was young...seems like those days are back!


Ok, so you all know that I am single right? I havent had any luck lately. Maybe its because everybody I know is married! So here it goes, I bumped into this man, yes a man, not a boy =) He is wonderful, intelligent, funny, kind but divorced with 3 kids. He is not old, tall and not too shabby on the "looks" department. My parents will kill me when they find out though.

I dont know what to do!!! Its not like I am going to marry the guy (not yet ;) hahaha) but im just saying he is a great guy except for the baggage. Ladies... I seriously need input. Since I am on the down low with this. I cant run to any of my friends yet because honestly, they have high hopes for me to end up with someone without any baggage. So I run to you my online sisters for help. What do you think? If I was your sister what would you say? Hope you will take even just a minute to say no or yes to help me out =( I am really torn.

Thanks in advance. Here's hoping to receive some advice.

22 comments:

  1. Why do 3 kids have to be considered baggage? Maybe change your outlook on the fact that he has kids. They could be a great gift in your life. My stepdad married my mom when I was 3 and my brother was 5. He considers us a great gift in his life. Be open. If you see the heart of the person and not statistics, you will know if he's right for you. :-)

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  2. @gigiofca:You are right and I know that. It actually didnt bother me until I thought of what people might think. Ironic since I honestly thought I was over that. Instinct still is trying to uphold what society dictates. However, times are changing and what was once unacceptable has become a norm. I just need affirmation and thank you for giving it to me. The issue could be he's young, he's old, he's tall or short and I would still ask for support. Bottom line is I am just scared! I really do appreciate your time! Thank you for your advice!

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  3. I agree with Gigi! Keep an open mind and see where if all goes. He may be just the guy you are looking for!

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  4. @Kathy: I appreciate your input. I will keep you ladies posted. I am having dinner with him tonight! First date! I am soooooo anxious!!! Again, thank you so much for your time! mwah!

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  5. Hi! I'm a married mom of 2, and although I agree with Gigi, I also think you have every right to feel hesitant. My children are the most wonderful thing in my life, but they require 100% committment, and getting involved in a relationship that includes children should not be taken lightly. I say go ahead and enjoy your date - hopefully it will be the start of something wonderful! However, if you decide that you're just not ready for such a committment, then move on and don't feel guilty about your decision. Good luck!

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  6. ifky12 - I personally know a number of single women who are so married to a criteria list that they aren't dating at all. And of course they complain about being single. That said, I wholeheartedly agree with your important points. I wouldn't meet anyone's children for quite awhile. It's easy to get attached and that's esp not fair to the kids if things don't work out.

    Cece - Have fun tonite!

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  7. @ifky12: welcome to my blog =) ok, here is the honest truth, I honestly dont have a problem with having the responsibility of welcoming the children into my life. I am very caring, kind, loving and nurturing. Children also tend to love me =) However, at this very early stage of getting to know this man, it is more of the stigma that comes with having a relationship with a divorced man with kids. I shouldnt say baggage actually I think it is offensive, I apologize. I dont know how to explain myself with regards to how I feel. I guess it is just the norm for a single woman to be with a single man. I am just trying to get comfortable with the idea of a single woman with a man with kids or a single man with a woman with kids. It is not be be taken lightly I know and the process is to be taken more cautiously which is why I am asking for advice this early on. The complexities that come with such a situation I know I will be able to handle. I have nothing but love for any child so that wouldnt be a problem. I am so at a loss for words I cant believe it. I dont know how to explain my anxiety with regards to getting to know this man on a deeper level. However, I appreciate your point. Rest assured I am taking this slow and I know that I would give up anything just to avoid hurting someone even if it means I end up the one in pain =( Well, lets think positively here. I am hoping for the best! God has been good to me. I know He will allow things to happen if he wills it and will stop it if He is against it =)

    @gigiofca: thanks! I am quite anxious! will try to have a wonderful time though ;) fingers crossed and praying! =)

    So ladies please say a prayer for me =) mwah!

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  8. CeCe - I completely understand what you mean by the whole stigma thing. I think I would feel the same way. I think it's difficult not to have that stereotype of the person you think would be perfect for you. When I met my husband, I just "knew" he was all wrong for me - ha! Here we are 11 years later, happily married with 2 beautiful children! Have fun tonight - can't wait to hear how it went!

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  9. @ifky12 & @gigiofca: I just got back from the dinner. It was casual seafood place just wore jeans, heels and a jcrew silk top, hair up =) HE IS SOOOO NICE!!! Not in a pretentious way. He asked me on a second date!!! I said yes of course! OMG ladies!!! Im scared to like him but I already do =( OMG what am i supposed to do???

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  10. @ Kath: that message is for you as well =)

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  11. @gigiofca, @kathy, @ifky12: now im scared! It really sucks to be out there I feel so vulnerable!!! It is better at times when I just dont go out because I have control but now its like handing over part of the control to someone...OMG I am sooooo scared!!! Thanks for listening!

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  12. CeCe - it's been awhile, but I definitely remember the emotional rollercoaster that is dating! Being vulnerable IS scary, but opening yourself up to new experiences is the only way to learn and grow. I'm glad you had fun on your date and are going out again! Keep us posted!

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  13. @ifky12 gosh it seriously is a rollercoaster! I woke up today thinking what if he didnt like me and was just being polite, what if he's too busy and was just trying to amuse himself by going out on a date, what just insecurities flooding my brain! To top it all, the last image I had in my sleep was a picture, a vivid one of an ex (longest relationship) with a girl and underneath the picture it said married...LOL In my sleep I checked the picture out so many times and read the very small print that said married and couldnt believe it hahaha. talk about a strange dream. I have no idea why I had a dream of that image! Thanks again for your time! I really am very thankful!

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  14. Hi Cece,
    I think here I will have to take a different stance. I was in a very similar dating/relationship. He was divorced, 2 kids. Great relationship, we broke up for reasons other than any complaint I could have about him/his children. Years later I married a single man with no kids, and I do see the difference. You will have to care about those kids as if they were yours. That means your partner may have to make decisions (financial, time-related, etc) that will affect you (even if they do not botter you). Even if he has a great relation with the ex, the ex will be part of your relation with him. But I can understand he may be worth it all.

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  15. @anonymous: its really kind of you to share your story to help me out! I know, I have anticipated all that. Ive never been in this situation so I have thought of the complexities that come with it but really have nothing in my experience to be able to anticipate what possibly could come up. I guess the reason why its quite difficult to sink in my head is because he is young. I always thought of a divorced guy with kids as old...like Al Gore LOL. Kidding aside, it did make me think of whats left out there for me. It really made me consider someone in his situation and I wouldnt have when I was younger. I dont know. Im scared. Have always been with a single guy but just ended up heartbroken or disappointed! I might go out on one more date and see. Sometimes, persistence can win a woman and if he wont be I guess thats my answer?!!! Gosh I dont know! I honestly just miss sharing moments with someone. It really sucks to be single!!! Where I am is not the best place to be single. The population here is mostly college kids, married or divorced. I probably need to move =)

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  16. @anonymous 9:27am: Thanks so much for your comment. I appreciate it's sincerity!

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  17. Hi Cece. I think you shoudl enjoy yourself. It is just a date. Second date. Yay! You like him. He likes you.
    Yes he does, men don't ask you out on a second date because they are nice. Remember 'He is not that into you'?
    Don't kill yourself thinking about everything that can happen in the future.
    Everybody comes with some sort of 'baggage'. I married my husband in college. We were both single.
    And guess what, he makes movies (I knew that, of course). Yes, movies. Very cool, right? No, not really.
    They take time. And money. More time and money. And they always have to be considered.
    We have to live in certain area. We don't have vacation when he is shooting.
    He does have a 'daytime' job but it always had to be the one that would allow him spend time on what he loves.
    I make more money. He never has any free time. We did not have kids when I wanted (we do have two kids now). The list goes on.
    Many times I think how much easier it would be if he was regular guy with an office job.
    But I love this man. This is what he is about. I am sure there are things about me that are 'baggage'.
    I am not saying don't take all the circumstances into consideration. But you don't have to do it just yet.
    Get to know him to see if it will even come to this. You will know if it feels right, kids and all.
    YOu may get attached and get hurt.
    But think about it. When you are single and unattached you are 'safe'. But 'safe' does not make you happy. So you have to let go.
    Good luck!
    Love your blog. A.

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  18. @anonymous 2:09pm: Thank you!!! I love the long comment! I am glad you love my blog!!! anyway, I am really very guarded. It is quite difficult to be vulnerable. That is the reason why I usually opt to just be alone. Control feels good but I think being loved by someone other than family and friends feel much better. So now I decided to take a risk and go for it. Hey its only a date anyway. I am glad to have met him because my location is really a killer for single women!!! Anyway, thank you for sharing your story with me. I am sure your husband is worth it. If someone does have things you dont agree with, the love you feel, security and assurance that you are love makes up for everything. Dont get me wrong, family love is unconditional, I even think it is more than any type of love but its different to love someone and be loved by someone. Although I know your situation is difficult, Im sure it makes you very happy to see your husband happy and vice versa. Thats what I want. I want to be happy for someone and for someone else to be happy for me! It does get lonely sometimes but I have been through a lot of heartache so I usually revert to being protective of myself and seclude myself from potential men. Anyway, I wish you the best! I hope your husband will win an award someday. When he does please share it with me, I will be there to share in the victory! =) Comments like yours really make my day better. So thank you so much!!! I appreciate your time and thoughts! THANK YOU!!!

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  19. Partly because of the 3 children I would go slow. You are young and have the rest of your life so take your time and find out if it's the real thing. At this stage it's too early to be thinking about marriage/forever just enjoy dating and discovering this person.
    Changing the subject, I enjoy your blog!

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  20. @interested: Im glad you enjoy my blog! I know, slow is the way to go. I am not thinking of marriage/forever =) yet! He is an interesting man. Very nice, intelligent and a gentleman. I am young, although I feel old! He is just 5 years older than me but I think I have lived more than he has. Dont worry, I went to the store and bought lots of brake fluid so Im safe to go ;) I appreciate your concern and advice...it really warms my heart that you shared your thoughts and time with me! Have a great weekend!

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  21. Being a parent myslef and having a fiend who was in your situation ( she met a wonderful men with 3 kids), I would be hesitant and cautious as well. (Un}fortunate truth of life (depends who's looking)is that kids will always be a priority. While it might not impede relationships in teh beginning, it sure will be putting a stress on you long term. Just a few things my friend went through- holidays w/out the men ( he is with his family), changed vacation plans at the least moment, stood up/rescheduled dates, kids not liking the new woman in their dad's life, etc , etc ( this was just a tip of an inceberg). It truly takes a lot of dedication and self-sacrfice on women's part to be able to deal with it. On other hand, love is blind. I guess what I am trying to say that it's not an easy situation to be in and only you can know whether it'll make you or break you. I'll pray for the things to work out for you no matter what decision you'll make.

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  22. @slastena: Thank you so much for your comment! I know...the hesitation on my part is very much there! I know that there will be those days and aside from the fact that he is extremely busy with work his days off would mostly be devoted to the kids and they are still young. I just merely wanted to get to know him to be able to decipher what I am trying to look for and if he has it. The sad truth is I have dated single men but nothing came out of it so I figured as long as I am not hurting anyone or stepping on anyone's toes I would give it a try. I am nowhere near falling inlove!!! All I know is I dont want to be broken again! I am taking it slow. It honestly has been friendly dinners. Good conversation, just like getting to know someone. I dont sense any romantic feelings from either side, well not on mine at least hahaha. Im glad he isnt "pretty boy" from the wedding or I will be in big trouble! hahaha. Oh Slatena, thank you for saying a prayer for me. I do need it. This is not going to be whirlwind for sure so dont worry much =) I really appreciate your sincerity!

    God bless!

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