Monday, June 28, 2010

Confused!!!

I know you all are probably thinking "this girl needs help!". I need to vent. So my friend and her boyfriend have this friend who I met last year when I visited them. Single, smart and nice guy. This year, when he found out I was here, he invited us to see a soccer game ( I am not a sporty girl ). We went and it was nice for pictures sake but I didnt understand a thing =) So after that we all went out to have drinks and went dancing. This guy was definitely interested in me. So to make the long story short, I found out from my friend's boyfriend that he was...However, her boyfriend had told him that I was seeing Mr. Wonderful. So now I look like a "player?". I told my friend's boyfriend I need to clear the situation. I have gone out on several dates, met the kids, but never even held hands or kissed him. What constitutes dating? Is physical affection affirmation of the status of your relationship? So although he is really wonderful, I really am confused of what my status is with Mr. Wonderful =( As for...lets call him Mr. Attraction he is really nice. I can sense that there really is a strong attraction between us. He held my hands while we were walking *sigh* it felt good. I dont know what it is but affection really gets a woman. Not lust! Affection. I wish Mr. Wonderful was affectionate but he's not. Maybe thats why I am analyzing the situation with him like there is no tomorrow! Its not even feeling its analyzing!

So the confusion is why did God send Mr. Attraction my way. He is not nearby, he is single and an eligible bachelor. I know he is interested, I dont want to be interested because I feel like I am cheating? I know, I know its a weird feeling. But since Mr. Wonderful introduced the kids to me, I feel like I have to be careful with my actions. AYAYAY!!! What is Mr. Attraction's purpose in my life?? I dont know ladies? I am just really confused =( I just want to be loved and to love! Reciprocated love is all I ask for!

thanks for your time!

Monday, June 21, 2010

SHOCKED!

I need to share and vent out my emotions or I will seriously go insane! So I left the country Sunday. Mr. Wonderful invited me to a fashion show on Saturday. He said he had the kids that weekend but he will try to find a baby sitter. I of course declined and said that I wouldnt want to take away from his time with them. He said it was at night anyway so they would be sleeping by then. So initially I agreed to it. I then decided that since I was leaving, I would need to do some last minute packing so it would not be practical to go out with him Saturday. He of course asked if I was available Friday, I said I was. However, Fridays during his weekends with the kids, he picks them up and drives about 3 hours and back to his house another 3 hours. So I told him it would be a little tight on his schedule so we should just see each other when I come back. He wanted to go out to dinner with me before I left so he said its all good. I agreed since I had no plans on Friday. So when he told me if I wouldnt mind that he hung out with the kids for at least an hour and have the baby sitter arrive by 8:30pm I said no worries! Here's the shocking part...he asked if I wanted to hang out WITH them while waiting for the baby sitter to arrive. It has only been two weeks!!! I didnt know what to say to it. I am fully aware he has kids but didnt know the intention behind meeting them so soon or having to meet them at all. I didnt want to hurt his feelings so I just nonchalantly said sure, sounds like fun. IT WAS THE MOST SCARY THING I have ever done! It was a first for me! I have met parents of my boyfriends before and I never flinched! This time I was just SCARED! So I tried so many ways to not make it happen. He knew how to respond to my "tricks" to get out of it. So I did end up meeting them. I saw his youngest, a girl and just absolutely fell inlove with her! I didnt know how to react but when she said hi and smiled, my heart just melted. She was just so into me! She's 4 and showed me around her room and asked about getting her nails done etc. It was just such a natural bonding moment that I was petrified! The thought that it could be a constant event in my life, crossed my mind! The boys were gracious as well. They said hi and bragged about Wii games etc. He went about his business preparing food for them etc like I was being tested as to how I was going to react to them! It honestly was awkward but like with any stressful situation, I was able to get my bearings in a very timely manner.

So the baby sitter came and before we left, the youngest asked for a hug and gave me the tightest and sweetest hug! I just didnt want to let her go! It was such a bittersweet moment for me. He never discussed it after! No mention of what do you think of the kids, nothing! As if it was just a casual encounter with them. So I of course emailed him after saying that it was such an awkward moment and that if the kids are used to meeting women he dates thats fine but that I think he needs to rethink it because Im sure it affects them greatly to see other women with their dad. He said they have never met another woman before and that I was the first....SCARED ME MORE! There are no discussions just actions! I dont know what to say! He thanked me for accepting and embracing his kids. I dont know what we are. Are we officially dating? Should I ask? By the way, he still hasnt kissed me!!! Is this a test? He introduced me to his friends after he introduced me to his kids that night! Mind you this was all one day prior to me being gone for a while. What was this move on his part? I honestly dont have a problem with the kids. I told my friend men and women are different because women can accept a man and his past as long as we are aware of the security that the man can give to us. All we really are looking for is for the man to absolutely love us and be loyal to us. So 3 kids or 12 kids, the only thing that would matter is being loved.

Am I being stupid??? Please share with me what you think. I am just simply CONFUSED!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

SHOPPING TOPIC =)





Theres a watch blowout and the prices are just awesome so I thought I would share =)


http://www.hautelook.com/invite/cecechic

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Ayayay!

So I ended up going out with Mr. Wonderful last night. There was an event that I was going to and he wanted to join in. His schedule was hectic! He ended up able to catch up to the dinner event. It made me smile. He really had a long and tiresome day at work but managed to drive almost an hour just to be at there. I honestly had been insisting that we just see each other at a later time since there will be many more events like that one but he really insisted. So I am not sure if it was the food or me that was the reason for still going LOL. By the way, the night before he was on his way home from driving the kids back to their mom and he asked me if there was anything open around town after 9 which was the time he would be where I lived. I found a restaurant chain that was so I said there was this place thinking he needed a stop over since the drive was long. So I agreed to meet up with him at the restaurant around 9 and when I saw him I thought he was going to have dinner...he just wanted some dessert and a drink and basically just wanted to spend time together. Ok, I honestly didnt know what to feel. I am just dying thinking why does he have to be in a complex situation? So thats when I started to try to prevent him from going to the event by saying its too far for him to drive to, that he will be late for the event etc. but the man asked me not to give up on him and persisted to make an appearance! How do you not just fear for your heart????? hahaha Oh geez! really!!! I am looking forward to the day I leave for a trip so I can clear my head. I am scared to like him. Really scared!!! I know I should be. I am really quite confused though, he goes to great lengths to see me but he has never even attempted to kiss me! I just noticed that his farewell hug last night lingered a bit longer and was quite tighter than usual. I dont know ladies!!! Life would be so nice if...

Thanks again for allowing me some of your time my dear ladies!

Friday, June 11, 2010

So Nice!

Ok so I have posted that Mr. Wonderful was "wonderful" but then when Slastena (thanks dear =) !) enumerated what her friend went through, I had a realization that it was indeed a difficult situation. Like I said, on the first week we saw each other four times. The second week only once because... he has the kids this weekend so the entire weekday was spent working a lot so that the weekend would be devoted for the kids. Slastena was right. Even if he is great, I will always be put aside for the life that he had prior to his situation now. Although its admirable on his part, its not such a good feeling on my part. Rejection, is the word I despise but somehow I end up getting myself into. Its not his fault I feel rejected. He has communicated with me throughout the day until he got the kids and even set up a date for next week which I think I might decline. Then the week after that I will be out of the country for a while! That would be a nice transition I think. This situation is such a downer. It makes me think of this song by

Astrud Gilberto: So Nice. The one I found on youtube though is by Bebel Gilberto not sure how they are related but Astrud was married to her father Joao Gilberto but not sure if she's her mother. Anyway here it goes! just pause the ipod on the right so you can hear the embedded box.

SO NICE

Someone to hold me tight
That would be very nice
Someone to love me right
That would be very nice
Someone to understand
Each little dream in me
Someone to take my hand
To be a team with me

So nice, life would be so nice
If one day I'd find
Someone who would take my hand
And samba through life with me

Someone to cling to me
Stay with me right or wrong
Someone to sing to me
Some little samba song
Someone to take my heart
And give his heart to me
Someone who's ready to
Give love a start with me

Oh yes, that would be so nice
I could see you and me, that would be nice /Should it be you and me, I can see it would be nice!




Yeah...SO NICE INDEED when that happens for me!!! Thanks again ladies!



Thursday, June 10, 2010

BLASTED BY THE PAST!

So my "Tony" added me to his facebook which has my phone number. He called. It was initially a nice conversation catching up on family, friends and his wife. Then before you know it he started telling me how he liked my pictures and then he brought up the past. At this point, I seriously was uncomfortable! So I told him things are different now, we arent in the same situation as we were when we were in school, he's married and I feel awkward. That just did it! I guess now I know why my instincts have always been to stay away and remain on the friend zone. I did have regrets but now I know why I did what I did...I DO NOT REGRET NOT GOING FOR HIM anymore!!! It made me think I would have died if I was married to him and he was calling some girl from his past to reminisce and give praises to. Just wrong! The man who I was just pinning for a few hours ago based on how he treated me in the past was just blasted off my life by the past. Life is just full of irony. Now I am just thankful God made me realize why things happened and it was His way of saying that although I may not understand certain things that happen in my life, there is a reason behind it and it has always been for my own good. It takes a while for me to arrive at that realization but I am glad when the point comes when I really question, God answers loudly!

Thank you ladies!!!

Blast From the Past

One of my favorite shows has to be Who's The Boss. I just found out that they have reruns of it on the Hallmark channel. A particular episode jolted my memory of one of my friends who reminded me so much of "Tony"'s character. It was the episode where Tony said, "Angela, you deserve to be happy" then the boyfriend honks at her, obviously a rude gesture, he then said "whoever it may be". Then he says "well nice roses though(given by the boyfriend), too bad they arent pink ( her favorite color of roses). She then asked him, how do you know? He replied that she had mentioned it once... This made me think of someone from my past, a friend who was always there for me. The day the episode was shown was his birthday and so I searched him on facebook because I lost his email address and didnt want to call him. I sent him a message to greet him and ironically he told me he emailed me on one of my email address which I dont use anymore.


His message was about updates on his family who I was really close to and that he just wanted to say that he was just reminded that he knew more about me than my then boyfriend, which was so true. He also said that it was an honor and a pleasure taking care of me and spending time with me... Ok I may be wrong to pine for this guy but he used to say things like "oh I like that top, you wore it 4 years ago when we went to this restaurant" . He's not gay, he actually was such a hunk! The reason why I shut off that falling for him switch simply because I was scared he would hurt me. I knew all the women he went out with, slept with etc. We were best of friends. Ok I miss him. He did like me but I was just too scared and I was loyal to my cheating ex boyfriend.

Ok, so where am I going with this you ask. I just wanted to share that sometimes its nice to take a chance on love and risk being hurt than regret not knowing what could have been. This man has taken care of me and loved me better than anyone has. I just felt like I wasnt the hottie he usually goes for hence the fear of infidelity. However, as Slastena has said there are really bad geeky looking men out there, I dated one. So if there was something to regret this would definitely be one of them. He did tell me before he got married that he just wanted to tell me, "the woman that ive always wanted was right in front of me but I guess you were never meant to be mine" Yes my heart bled. I didnt want to respond and complicate things so I said "congratulations and I wish you happiness", hung up the phone and that's that.

What if? Yeah what if's are merely blasts from the past that can never be. That is a sad realization and boy is it a painful one!

Thanks for lending me your eyes ladies! I really needed to vent! Dont worry I wont get myself in trouble and continue communicating with him =) like I said the past that can never be!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Thank you!

I would like to sincerely thank all of you who have dropped by to read the updates and also leave wonderful comments. Everyone has been helpful in making me come to a good understanding and analysis of this unusual situation I am in. Slastena has made a good point regarding the kids being the priority and the dates cancelled, trips rescheduled, holidays rearranged and the possibility of the kids not liking the new woman in their dad's life. Wow, after having read that it just sounded so unfair huh? Women do so many things to show that they are selfless at the expense of their happiness. Sometimes I wish men had this particular gene in them...they dont. Most men who go into a relationship with a woman with kids would go into it just having a relationship with the woman with or without the kids' approval. They are able to dissociate their emotions to satisfy their need. Women on the other hand mostly have an emotional spin on everything.

I did think that I could dissociate my emotions but I realized after having read what Slastena enumerated, I might not be able to. I am looking for someone to reciprocate what I have to offer. I have so much to give and I hope the person I will end up with also does otherwise, I know my insecurities will set in and I really dislike that feeling.

The irony of all this is that I have found someone who parallels me in so many levels. Everyone who know us think we are just perfect for each other but...only because he is not officially out yet. I think its God's cruel joke on me...seriously! I havent fallen for him at all because I knew all along he was gay. I see him as a brother and never as more than that. God is funny sometimes. It seriously is such a cruel joke!

So as I laugh at God's joke on me, I still continue to pray that some miracle happens and He decides to bless me with a man who will be the best person to love me and for me to love. Until then, I will be shouting to the heavens to answer my prayer!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

4th date update

So I get a text today from Mr. Wonderful asking if I wanted to go out again, I said sure. When do you want to visit? He said tonight ok? He had to go back to work though so I texted him I was already about to have dinner so maybe some other time or maybe I can have an appetizer while he had dinner. After an hour he sent me a text that he wouldnt mind driving an hour after having a long day just to have dinner with me...how can I resist...I said yes! He is just wonderful! I am getting scared. 4 dates in 1 week and he's really a busy man! I dont want to feel happy. I am scared and nervous! We had great conversation! We laughed and shared so many stories and he even shared his food with me =) OMG I am really scared. I dont want it to go away and I dont know what to do??? I am just going to play it chill but its hard to ignore feeling special. He does make me feel special. I guess I will trust God that He has a plan. I have yet so much to ask. Religion, relationship views etc. I just want to say, tonight I felt like someone likes me a lot... a feeling that absolutely feels amazing! So I will enjoy it tonight for "tomorrow is another day!" =)


Thanks for listening ladies!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

UPDATE =)

So Mr. Wonderful and I had a brunch date. He was of course just in jeans and a geeky polo shirt and I was in a shirt dress and heels...Oh well. So the brunch lasted 2 1/2 hours! It was fun but he didnt want the day to end so he asked if I wanted to see a movie and I said yes. We watched a comedy Get Him to the Greek, it was funny but I think the content is not for everyone. While waiting for the movie we went to a Burger King to kill time =) I think it was adorable. We ordered a sundae. The reason why I find it adorable is that we searched for a nearby theater and the closest one was 40 miles and it was in the middle of nowhere so Burger King was the only place to go to. So from a nice restaurant to a fast food chain...good sign! hahaha

Ok, I just wanted to share that we spent a total of 8 hours together, not bad right? And the nice thing is he was such a gentleman through all this...he didnt even hold my hand! I am not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing but he did ask me out again! So I dont know, while he was driving me home his son called him on his cell and he picked up and talked for a few minutes then told his son if he could call him back in a few minutes (after he drops me off). It then hit me!!! OMG!!! This would have been the perfect situation! But of course like with everything in my life, it wouldnt be that easy! So now I dont know if I should go out with him again or if I should just keep my distance! I know...im back to square one! I am going to need a lot of prayer!!!

Thanks ladies for your time!

"MR. WONDERFUL"

Ok so Mr. Wonderful is a geek. I met with him today for coffee. We live about an hour away from each other. He asked me what I was doing for the day and I said my parents and I were going to church and do some shopping. He asked if it happened to be on his side of the town I said yes. He said he could be where I would be if I wanted so I said yes. I said not to worry, parents wont be there hahaha. So yes, we met up for coffee at a bookstore. He was wearing a polo shirt which was too big for him, shorts and sandals. I on the other hand was wearing jeans, a nice top, wedges, and was well accessorized. hahaha So instead of getting turned off by this man, I was more amused and fascinated! He rushed to the bookstore, we had a nice conversation, I did most of the talking and he was attentively listening. He's shy and geeky but smart and attentive! We were rudely interrupted by a 2 year old boy who gave me his bottle =) It was just adorable because the boy just came up to me and wouldnt leave me alone. He then went up to Mr. Wonderful and stared at him like he was mad! If I had my Flip with me it would have been priceless!

So after scrutinizing his face while he was talking and smiling at me, I thought to myself he is the total opposite of pretty boy! He is not flirtatious nor charming and definitely not a hunk but boy did I find myself smiling and relaxed talking to him. I dont know why my guard is down when I talk to "geeks" when an ex who broke my heart and shattered it to pieces was the epitome of a geek!!!

I think I need to get my guard up, geeks arent necessarily harmless! He is such a gentleman though. I think his pacing will be slow which is what I need so its all good. It will give me enough time to size him up and back out when needed. He is not aggressive but he is attentive which is a good thing. I hope he's a different kind of geek though...I seriously could not afford another massive heartbreak!

Fingers still crossed, and wishing someone will love me soon, whoever it may be =( what a sad statement but I sincerely wish that! If only grown men will act like the 2 year old boy and just go up to me without hesitation, share with me something that he lives for so selflessly and show the other men that he is claiming me hahaha. Gosh that really was a precious moment =)

I seriously hope I find the right kind of geek or pretty boy...I hope I really find my own "Mr. Wonderful"!!!

Thanks for your time ladies!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

NeeD SOME INPUT!!! PLEASE!!!



just a picture of me having a bad day when I was young...seems like those days are back!


Ok, so you all know that I am single right? I havent had any luck lately. Maybe its because everybody I know is married! So here it goes, I bumped into this man, yes a man, not a boy =) He is wonderful, intelligent, funny, kind but divorced with 3 kids. He is not old, tall and not too shabby on the "looks" department. My parents will kill me when they find out though.

I dont know what to do!!! Its not like I am going to marry the guy (not yet ;) hahaha) but im just saying he is a great guy except for the baggage. Ladies... I seriously need input. Since I am on the down low with this. I cant run to any of my friends yet because honestly, they have high hopes for me to end up with someone without any baggage. So I run to you my online sisters for help. What do you think? If I was your sister what would you say? Hope you will take even just a minute to say no or yes to help me out =( I am really torn.

Thanks in advance. Here's hoping to receive some advice.